HAZARDS OF THE HARDENED HEART

A HAZARD THAT CAN COME UNNOTICED 

Words really cannot describe how much I care for my brothers and sisters in law enforcement. Being a retired city police officer, I know many of the frustrations and complaints, but I truly loved the job. 

The job definitely has many hazards.  Not only from the criminal element an officer deals with on a daily basis, but also the stress, high blood pressure, heart attacks, and the list goes on.

There is one hazard in particular that I would like to point out...one that can easily go unnoticed. In the 1990's, I was assigned to Investigations in the Child Abuse/Sex Crimes unit. For 5 years, I did nothing else but work crimes against children. There were no thefts, robberies or fraud cases assigned to me. It was day-in and day-out talking to children and sometimes babies who had hideous sex acts done to them. These precious victims were burned as a supposed act of discipline. I saw little ones beaten with  extension cords to the extent that their deep scars (physical and emotional) would remain with them forever. 

But I was a trained professional.  My job was to find the perp and solve the case. A professional does not get emotionally involved in a case. Case after case, I tucked away the feelings inside. During briefings, my fellow detectives would speak of the homicide cases they were about to close, or the string of burglaries that were about to be solved. But rarely, if ever, would they want to hear about the pervert who abused a child.

One Wednesday night, my wife and I attended a prayer meeting at our church and sat next to a couple who are close friends of ours. As part of the service, our Pastor asked the congregation for any prayer requests. Our friend stood up with tears streaming down her face and asked the church to pray for her Grandmother. She stated that during the previous night 3 males had broken int house (who was in her 80's) and raped her. 

The people in the church gasped at this awful thing that happened and I just sit there and felt nothing. There was no shock, no groaning over this evil intrusion...there was nothing. I was numb. This poor woman was so broken by this act committed to her grandmother and my heart was like a stone.  The thought came to me, What has happened to me? Why am I not hurting for my friend? I soon came to the realization that I had kept all the pain and frustration from my cases I worked inside and in the mean time had built a stone wall around my heart that prevented me from experiencing any feelings of shock, pain, or disgust. From that point on, I was determined not to allow myself to get in that state again and was thankful that my eyes had been opened.

So, I would want you to consider the hazard of a hardened heart. It's effects are far-reaching and destructive: you become non-caring, standoffish, lack empathy and affection, no joy, angry, selfish and unable to see any good in others, which results in becoming cynical and critical.

Yes, police officers are trained to respond to horrific crime scenes and forced to see and hear horrible things. However, it is important to remember that a healthy person is healthy physically, emotionally and spiritually. We do not need to tuck our emotions away. Find someone you trust, (friend, pastor, chaplain) and share your feelings regarding that terrible accident you responded to, the death of that child who was the same age as yours, or whatever it is that you came across that bothered you that day. No, it is not a sign of weakness. It says that, just like the rest of us, you are human. What isn't human is to close off that part of your heart and become emotionally detached toward others.

My prayers are for your protection and good health.

Larry Linson

LSP Chaplain Troop F